On Thanksgiving Day my dad was not able to attend any of our family functions. We thought long and hard about how we could take him out of his home and let him go with my mom for Thanksgiving. We decided this was not a good idea. At his stage of Alzheimer's, you just don't do stuff like that anymore. It's so sad.During the next couple of weeks we will visit with my dad and bring him little goodies and gifts but come Christmas day he will not be with any of us. We all have to travel to northern Arizona for a couple of days to be with the rest of our family and we won't be able to take my dad. We talk about it, but I really don't think it would be a good idea. I think he would freak out if we removed him for that long.
This is the sad part about Alzheimer's and the holidays. What do you do?
6 comments:
For the first few years, my mom was still quite well physically so we would bring her over to my house for holidays for the afternoon and supper. We chose my house specifically because we have a bathroom on the main floor so there's no stairs involved (those were a bit tricky for her!). My house was only a 15 minute drive from the home so there wasn't a lot of travel time.
In the last few years, we did not bring mom out on holidays because she was just not well enough physically anymore and we worried about her getting hurt in transport (she was quite heavy so we struggled when helping her move!) or having health issues while away from the home (who had nurses and doctors on duty). I remember the last time we had mom out and it was really hard. We pretty well knew that it was time to accept that it was just too hard on everyone (including mom) to bring her out. It was sad but the right choice.
My wife and I felt the same way about my mother-in-law around Christmas. We learned to bring her over to our house before the activities got under way and before there were too many people around so the situation wouldn't overwhelm her. That worked for awhile, but we had to stop eventually because just bringing her to the house was too hard on her. It was difficult for us to not have her around for Christmas and special days and I'm not sure we ever got past it.
Earlier this year, my wife discovered "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova. It's written from the from the Alzheimer's victim's point of view. It gave us a perspective we hadn't considered before. We realized that she towards the end, she was "living in the moment." WE were upset and missed her through Christmas day, but she didn't really miss us - or Christmas. She was just happy she wasn't being moved! We saw that she was likely unaware of many of the things that we found upsetting. We found this perspective to be comforting - I hope you do as well.
I have a friend whose parents are diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I feel for her in the holiday season.
Dear Kritsa,
I too have recently discovered your blog. Am wondering if you have tried getting your dad involved with the creative arts.
Last week saw a documentary on this topic and many AD patients, even late stage, regain some communications through the arts. For info, there is a comprehensive description of the film "I Remember Better When I Paint" posted in the Alzheimer's Reading Room: http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2010/01/film-premiere-i-remember-better-when-i.html
Perhaps this can help your dad.
Thanks for your comments. We have tried getting my dad involved earlier but I think he just too far gone now. He can't do anything really. Creative arts is great though. Thank you!
Krista
It is awful how Alzheimer's patients and family members are both suffering. We recently started to video tape a friend's mother who is early stage of Alzheimer's. This has been very therapeutic for the family and a pleasure I could help.
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