The other night I went to visit my dad. I always say "Hi dad" right away so that he knows I am there to see him, as I look right in his face as I say it. Sometimes he says hello back or sometimes he just looks at me and says nothing at all.
He was sitting at the kitchen table so I sat directly across from him so I could talk to him. He has a cold so he is a little congested and I don't want to make him talk since his throat probably hurts, so I didn't say much. I just sat there and looked at him wondering what is going on inside of his head and how much of our conversation does he really understand. I am not sure what stage of Alzheimer's I would say he is in at this point. Moderate? Severe? Not sure.
I guess it doesn't matter what he understands, just as long as he knows that I love him. I looked at him in his face for one last time before I told him I had to go and he looked back at me with a big smile on his face as if he is trying to tell me that he knows who I am and he loves me, he just doesn't know how to form the words.
That was enough for me. That is all that matters.
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Tuesday, May 5, 2009
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3 comments:
Wow your entry made me vividly recall visits like that with my mom. There would be visits where we didn't talk alot and just smiled alot. It was so hard not to cry for me. I didn't want to cry in front of my mom (because I think Alzheimers patients can still sense happiness, anger and sadness). I'd wait and end up bawling my eyes out in my car afterwards in the parking lot.
It was almost like visiting a mirage of my mom. It was her, but it wasn't her. I just wanted to scream and pull her old self out of this shell of a body that I was looking at.
This scenario is so familiar to me as I am going down this same road with my mom. I always look her right in the eyes and say "Hi Mom". She usually seems to know me, but sometimes I think she has me confused with her sister or my sister. It no longer matters to me as long as she knows I am there because I care about her and love her. Sometimes now we just sit together and don't even talk much. Still I know she feels the love I bring to her with my visit and that is what mattters at this point.
Do you know about the HBO series on Alzheimer's that begins on Sunday? I'm sure you probably do as you are so well informed on this subject.
Kristen,
Trust me... he knows! He may not be able to form the words but he can feel it!
xoxoxoxox
Donna
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