I was just sitting here trying to think of the last time I had a normal and clear conversation with my dad. It may have been a few years ago. After receiving the news that he had Alzheimer's disease, I should have had the heart to heart conversation with him back then about how much I love him and think the world of him. I have so much to tell him now that I didn't get to tell him then. He is mentally gone now and all though it's not too late to tell him, it's too late for him to understand.
When is the appropriate time to say "goodbye"? It usually happens after they pass away and most people feel guilty because they didn't get to tell their Alzheimer's loved one everything they wanted to tell them before they pass. Well, I feel guilty I didn't get to say it before he entered the Alzheimer's vortex.
There should be a rule or a time frame that all of this should take place so they can reciprocate their feelings. I feel cheated. I never got to hear his last "I love you". I haven't heard it in years. I will never hear it again and he is still physically present. It is definitely a weird reality to experience. It's just not fair!
4 comments:
I never really thought about this till I read your post and now I'm on the brink of tears. I guess it's one of those things that I didn't think about because it is so devastating to think about.
I missed my chance too and I also feel cheated. I honnestly can't remember the last normal conversation I had with my mom because she was sick for so long. We'd have little normal conversations sometimes when she had "good" days and that would make me so incredibly happy and bring me to tears because I could see a glimpse of the "real" person who was trapped in the "vortex" as you put it (that is a great description, by the way!).
(((((HUG))))))
Krista, Everyday is a good day to talk to your Dad. You never know when his mind might just slip out of the vortex. Also... Actions speak much louder than words. Just sitting with him says more that words could ever say. Caring the way you do makes words meaningless. Trust me... your dad knows. He may not be able to voice it.. but he knows and he feels. Just be there for him as often as you can.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Donna Marie
Hey Girl,
I was just thinking about you! I hope you are ok... I seriously hope that you find a sense of peace in knowing that you are doing a lot more than the average daughter. Not only are you moving Mountains to understand your Father's current state of being, but you are helping others along the way!
What more could a Father ask for? I know in my heart of all hearts that your Dad knows you are there and he feels your love and presence.
Keep your chin up Girly! I hope to meet you one day!
xoxxoxooxo
Donna Marie
Krista,
You may not know me....I'm Jerolyn Sharp from Simi. Kims friend growing up, and just caught up with her on FB. My mom has Alzheimers and is in a care center in Lehi, Ut. She has been in for about 1 1/2 years. Totally understand your feelings and thoughts as I have read through your blog. Just remember, Heavenly Father is in charge!! I just saw my mom on mothers day! I told her I loved her as I shed many tears. It's a heart breaking disease. She does not know my dad or any of us children.
Jerolyn Sharp Hicken
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