Last night I went to see my dad and it probably wasn't the best time to see him considering the fact that he was tired. He isn't so clear about things that he tends to be better about during the day. As, I sat next to him, he looked at me with this blank stare in his eyes. He didn't mind that I was sitting in the love seat with him but I knew he didn't really know who I was. I just acted normal as if nothing was wrong. I didn't question him either. I just wanted him to know that I was there and I came only to see him.
A few days prior, my mom took her sister, Jean, to go visit. My dad, prior to the Alzheimer's, has always been so kind to Jean. She really has always loved him dearly because he has always been so good to her. This was the first time Jean has seen him in the new home. He was welcoming to her even though he may not remember how he knows her. He even gave her a big hug (she said) and then she sat one side of him holding his hand tight as my mom sat on the other side holding his hand tight. Jean, said she fought back the tears. I think my dad sensed her vulnerability and he continued to keep a tight grip on her hand along with my mothers hand.
The staff continue to tell us that they think my dad is the sweetest man. HE IS!! He really is. He never causes trouble or has anything bad to say to anyone. He is so patient even when they shower him or brush his teeth. They really enjoy that for a change. This is nothing new. My dad has always been this way. I am grateful that he is, at least, able to keep his manors and respect when at the same time his dignity has been taken from him.
I feel really sorry for my dad that he has to suffer with this horrible Alzheimer's disease. I miss my dad.
6 comments:
Awww Krista. Big hugs out to you. Your entry made me tear up. I know how hard it is and I know how much you miss your dad as you knew him.
Lovely to hear that he still has manners and respect. There are some traits in a person that remain even though so much else has been taken away.
I love the way you let your words show your love.
There have been many times when I've bawled like a baby because I *really* miss my Mom too. I understand your feelings.
From Margeo:
Krista: I just read your most recent note about Aunt Jean's visit with your dad. It was lovely.
I miss your dad, too.
I miss my dad.
I don't think we ever get over missing our dads.
Love,
Margeo
P.S. The jury is still out on missing our moms!!!!
Krista,
I know what you are going through. My Daddy had this terrible disease for 4 years.I lost him everyday.I lost my Daddy Feb.28,2009.My heart broke that day, he was the light of my life! My husand does not know how to support me when I cry most of the time. My two daughters are in college and they were truly "popaw's" girls. I never imagined living my life without my Daddy. I don't know how to. I miss him every second of the day. I can not ever imagine smiling or being happy again! Daddy I love you and miss you so much!
It's sad to see the ones we love lose their intellectual, psychosocial, and interpersonal facilities as a result of Alzheimer's dementia. Coming from a family with a long history of the affectation, acquiring it is one of my darkest phobias. I recall my dear grandmother's decline. The weight loss, the inappropriate activities of daily living, the hazards of her trying to continue to cook and bake as she had always done ... the the she burned down a tree in her yard. The paranoia. The repetitive gesticulations culminating in a persistent vegetative state, lack of awareness, and passing away not knowing we were all there -- even herself as she lay dying. I would hope that someone would relieve me of my misery long before they would force me to endure the tortuous eleven year decline of my dear Ida. Remembering all the unconditional love she had for me. I miss her now and always. And still I cry for all that she was -- not just the tragedy her life became.
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